day #158 only 207 to go...

I'm almost to the 1/2 way point. It's been a long hard few months and as much as I direct my thoughts to the fulfilling outcome I want for my life, the fears creep in. If a psychic were to tell me that my future is lonely (which they probably wouldn't) it won't do me any good to hear it so this is yet another reason to be prediction free. 

Last nite I confessed to a friend about this blog. I listened to myself over explain it as I tried not to be defensive. I laughed at the uncomfortable moments and felt myself cringe when she said "you know it's all bullshit, right?"

I defended my addiction by giving an example of a prediction that came true. Remember, the palm reader who told me my ex-husband would propose to me again in 3 years? He did exactly that and to the month. Ha. That justifies my addiction doesn't it? Granted that's one of the very few events I've been told of that came true but hey, it happened. Clinging to it lets me know that my addiction is alive and well.

Although I know it's foolish to dream of a future that is unknown but I still hope to meet my Beloved, travel Down Under, write as I sit on my porch overlooking the ocean, have a business card titled 'writer, athlete, business networking', spend time with teenagers and enjoy my Beloved as he comes and goes from my home (btw we'll have 2 homes). According to the psychic from 3 1/2 years ago this will happen within 3-5 years so maybe just maybe it will come true. Then I can yell to the world "see addictions really do come true!"

Until then it's best to enjoy the moment, treat myself and others with love and kindness (okay, I'm not always successful with this), and allow the future to be what it will as I come to terms with my addiction.

Just like with predictions, I've cut back on chocolate croissants so that when I meet my Beloved I'll be in my too tight jeans. Ha ha, just kidding (about him but not about my big arse). Wish me luck...