Well, the holidays have started therefore the eating and drinking has increased. The chemistry man became available so I went there, briefly...
"What are your intentions towards me?" he smiled while stirring the rice.
"Uhhhhhhh...can you expand on that?" as I gulped down a larger than lady-like sip of chardonnay.
"I think it's a straight forward question. You look shocked. Don't you think it's best to discuss it now rather than later?" still stirring and not making eye contact.
"Uhhhhh...no one has asked me that before. What are your intentions?" thinking I could sneak past having to answer.
"No, you cannot turn the question back to me." smiling with full eye contact.
"Uhhh....I don't know." was honest but yet not.
"When you know please tell me." he said matter of fact while tasting the rice.
"Ok. I can do that." followed by yet another less than lady-like gulp.
Dinner turned to kissing. Night turned to morning (no we didn't). We made plans for another dinner.
Finally, I was ready to give my answer so I sent him a message saying that I was ready to talk at the next dinner. He responded quickly saying he does not want a relationship, is leaving town soon, does not want to lead me on and wants to spend time together.
My soul was sad, my heart hurt. We've agreed to be friends (without benefits).
Allowing Life to flow is what these last 263 days have been about so this feels like a test and I am trying to see it for what it is instead of running to a psychic to see if he's 'the ONE'. To see if I should leave the door open or look for another door. He shut the door so that means he is not meant to be with me so instead of being sad I'm feeling more and more grateful.
Yes, this blog reminds me that things happen and no prediction in the world can tell me what will occur. Yes, he does have a small scar above his left eye but he is not Scandinavian. I cannot believe the shaman's words from 10 years ago are still rolling around in my thoughts.
Before I know it, I will have made my last entry to this journey and walk away free of my addiction to predictions while wearing my skinny jeans!
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