day #54 only 311 to go...

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Just because I haven't written recently it doesn't mean that I haven't been tempted. At times during these true confessions, I am embarrassed by my own weakness. Some people are born strong and disciplined but I wasn't. I almost always eat the entire bag of chips, can't eat just one section of a chocolate bar, have trouble losing that last 5 (or more) pounds and complain that I'm just a bit too fat. Who's fault is that? I know I lack discipline this is of course one reason I am here.

Last week I heard my name and as I turned I was face to face with one of the reasons I filed for divorce. I was too shocked to respond to her with anything but kindness though a couple hours later I wish I had said something besides "enjoy your visit". She lives thousands of miles away and I never thought we would cross paths. Does she know that I know? As much as that marriage is ancient history and the family shaman put it to rest by telling me that I would meet someone else it still triggered plenty of emotions. 

That made me think of my most recent relationship in which a year ago to date, I was visiting the man from the "S" country. He spoke regularly of our future and all of the things he wanted us to do together. I felt so hopeful. It's every girl's dream to hear a man say so many "we's". Two months later his 'we' turned to 'me' and it was over as quickly as it had started. 

Then last night my date kept saying the name of the little ski town in the "S" country where my ex lives. Can't a girl get a break?

My recent emotional state made me want to go to ifate or possibly splurge and contact the somewhat accurate palm reader or heck just about anyone who could reassure me that my future is bright. I dug deeply, refused temptation and ended up reading free though my friends got an earful. 

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I have to admit to re-reading an old reading which is kind of like enjoying 2nd hand smoking, isn't it? My justification; looking over an old iching reading is better than a new one, right?

It was from a month ago and told me to "hold firmly and stand my ground...Stay the course with courage and inner discipline...This can be a time of great gains and increased well-being, but you must keep your footing despite strong currents tugging at you..." 

There's that 'inner discipline' thing again so maybe just maybe I'll put down the chocolate and chips to lose that last 5 pounds. 

As always, thank you for your support.